The B-52 Cockroach
I once woke to your crispy wing crunch between my lips
and though I disowned your family years ago,
you keep naming me godmother to the thousands you spawn.
I want so much to juice you, but I shudder to think of
your sister floating through my jaws as I wail.
Comment by instructor:
ReplyDeleteGreat job!
I LOVE the last two lines:
"I want so much to juice you, but I shudder to think of / your sister floating through my jaws as I wail."What a surreal moment--to think of a family member "floating through" jaws.
You have an interesting line break too: why break the fourth line at "of" instead of "think"?
I can really feel this poem. The "crispy wing" in the first line sets the poem in motion. Yuck! But in the best possible way!
Comment by classmate:
ReplyDeleteStacey, I really loved your poem. I thought it really epitomized the goal of "showing" because you captured the image of the cockroach through almost all the senses. The subject itself is startling on its own, but then you write about it with a certain kind of passion, as if you really identify with this animal in some way - or at least have some kind of history to share. I think I see why you broke the line at "...think of" instead of just at "think" -- was it to focus on the sister aspect? I think the line break, if intentional, helped to give your poem a strong finish, but that's just my opinion.
I always enjoy your poetry, thank you :)
Comment by classmate:
ReplyDeleteI love how your poem captured the hate for roached.Growing up in New York, they would be all over the apaptment. The line "sister floats in the wall", shows exactly what the do, and the "godmother" line instills tht idea of no matter how much i try to kil them, they are still there.