wiggly, wandering, wanting, whimsical, words,
jumbled, descriptions, misplaced, adjectives, verbs.
Poets in love, poets in hate:
cerebral floating on deepest depths.
But then,
I wore a poem as a blanket because I was cold outside and inside
I wore a poem as sunglasses because the light
(and you want to reflect the sun)
Blankets and sunglasses always fit.
Not to mention words.
Like therapists
-won't tell answers because you pay them to play
-hide and seek and
-you lie sometimes, sometimes.
-analyze me.
-help.
-Not by prescription
-(i.e. self-authored self-help)
-Not by deep regression analysis
-(i.e. tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock)
-Anthem's swell
-(i.e. we are the champions)
Just poetry
(Edited last section)
Not to mention words like therapists
won't tell answers because you pay them to play
hide and seek.
You lie sometimes, sometimes
help.
Instructor:
ReplyDeleteIt seems as though there are actually two poems in this poem about poems! There is the poem and how the reader makes it fit for him or herself, and then there is the poem that makes the reader fit into it-diagnoses the reader... is it the author?
I think, in this case, the experimentation that occurs with the dashes and parentheses might confuse me...I don't know how I get from the ideas of authorship to the ideas of time (as in how long does a poem last?) to the idea of greatness (champions? poet as a poet-star? hm...).
Great start, but decide, concretely, what you want to say and say it. Then experiment with form. When I read this poem, then at the end find "Just poetry" I feel as thought all the complications are somehow undermined--but maybe that is the point?
Me:
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment - I was concerned I might have gone a bit overboard.
This was what I was trying to do with the poem:
In the beginning, the reader finds poetry confusing (so I used rhyme and alliteration) and sees poetry as something “deep” and inaccessible. Then, the reader reads poetry and likes it as they find their place in the poem.
In the last section, I was trying to compare the patient/psychology exchange in therapy to poetry. The use of the dash is to list of the way poetry is like therapy. So, everything indented under “therapists” (maybe I should have said “therapy”?) is a comparison of poetry to therapy. The dashes indented under “help” are things that can help patients (prescriptions, regression, music) and within the parentheses are to give specificity to the line before it, but to also relate it to poetry. So for example, music can be a way to help a patient, but it may also express poetry. I wasn’t trying to use “just poetry” to undermine the entire poem, just the end of it.
What would you have thought had I ended the poem at the word “help”?
I agree - the poem does seem like two different poems. I was trying to show the different ways I see poetry and that I still don’t have a complete understanding of exactly what poetry is, but perhaps that makes it more confusing for the reader.
If I have the time, I’ll see if I can edit this again and focus on either just the first section or just the second section.
Instructor:
ReplyDeleteIn response to your response to my comments...
You say "In the beginning, the reader finds poetry confusing (so I used rhyme and alliteration)"...my question for you is, how does rhyme and alliteration (especially when used correctly) give the reader a sense of confusion?
I really like the patient/therapist analogy you are suggesting--I'm just not convinced that it comes through the way you imagine it to.
What if your poem read:
Not to mention words like therapists
won't tell answers because you pay them to play
hide and seek.
You lie sometimes, sometimes
Analyze or help.
___
Would that short condensed poem say just as much as you were saying before? What's the difference? what do you lose? What do you gain?
-help.
-Not by prescription
(i.e. self-authored self-help)
-Not by deep regression analysis
(i.e. tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock)
-Anthem's swell
(i.e. we are the champions)
Just poetry
Classmate comment:
ReplyDeleteI love how you completely break free from any type of traditional format with this poem. It really gives the poem a uniqueness and provokes more thought from the reader. I, too, noticed that it seemed almost like two different poems. So, I’ve been meaning to ask you, did you use that Yellow Bicycle poem we read in our group as any inspiration for this poem? Because that poem seems like two poems embedded in each other as well! The Blue Bicycle poem had different sized stanzas with different thoughts and entirely separate tones, and some alliteration, too. These are some things I notice in your poem. Also, I love the image of wearing a poem as clothing. I wonder how this poem would look on someone if they wanted to wear it to prom. And if you could choose any poem in the world to wear, what would it be? I have this picture in my mind of colors, words, paper, little snippets of animals, grammar symbols, and inanimate objects all morphed in quizzical shapes and flowing over someone as a huge ball gown. So I think that means you’re definitely doing something good as a poet. You go on to say, “Blankets and sunglasses always fit.” Are you implying that poems always fit as well? And what would make a poem fit someone? Finally, I really like how you go from broad to specific in this poem. You start with your raw, initial thoughts of poetry, then move to poets, and then to poems (my favorite part), and then to the words in poems. It’s really cool! What do you mean by the last line of the poem? I’m not too sure what to make of it :). I really liked your poem!